my ambivalent attitude

Thursday, January 19, 2006

The episode on Tuesday this week wavered my belief and confidence in friendship. Although the matter had largely blown over, I still decided to pen it down, or rather type it out, disregarding the fear that the people involved might read it. This is supposed to be my private journal after all.

The tension that had built up because of the PC's seeming favoritism over some of us became so high that one platoon mate actually made an acerbic remark directed at me. The precursor to this was the giving of 3 names by our PC to TTB to assume the roles of clerk and CQs in the budding new coy - appointments that apparently did not appeal to them. I do not deny that I felt a bit sorry for them, but the comments made and their attitudes shown later irked me. I felt upset. Is the camaraderie forged among us, especially during the UIP period, so transient and fragile that it cannot withstand even a small test? I did not speak to them for hours.

I had hoped that those remarks were made in a fit of pique. Thankfully, the bad feelings were washed away by time and we communicated during the setup in the evening. Teddy told me that he is a direct person, who speaks without thinking. Maybe he is right. I know friendship requires each to give and take and I do not hold it against them. But I terribly need them to stop harping on the issue of favoritism anymore. May time heal all our wounds.

scribbled at 6:29 PM